The most orgasmic
Once, I heard a guy on the radio and searched his name on Facebook. We had mutual friends, so I added him. We talked and decided to meet up. He suggested going to see a ballet at the Bastille Opera House. At 6 PM, we met outside without tickets. He wrote on a piece of paper, "Looking for 2 tickets," and a guy gave us two amazing seats for free. We got along well, laughed, and were happy. After the show, we went to a restaurant. We had a deep conversation and decided to go back together. That's when we kissed and started a kind of sensual game. I stood up, he blindfolded me, undressed me, and asked me where I wanted him to touch me. I told him the inside of my thighs, my neck, the small of my back... It was incredible! I trembled all over my body. I ended up having one of the biggest orgasms of my life (without penetration). In the morning, I woke up, left a note, and left. It was perfect that way.
Camille, 30 years old
The blindest
Two years ago on Tinder, I arrive at 1am and she says, «There's no electricity. » Zero light. I had never seen her in person before, but she had soft skin. Louis, 29 years old.
The smallest penis
One night at the bar, I totally fell for this bartender who I found extremely beautiful, like I had rarely found a boy so beautiful in my entire life. A little tipsy, I gather all my courage to talk to him and ask for his number (something I had never done before). The bartender agrees to give me his number, and I tell him that I'll wait for him after his shift so that we can go home together. Then the bar closes, he stays to clean while I head towards the exit... hours pass and I don't hear anything from him. Disappointed, I go home. Then he calls me to say that he's on his way. Excited, I get all dolled up to welcome him as he deserves.
I'm at home. He arrives, and I'm ecstatic. We rush into my bedroom to start a hot and steamy love session (or so I thought). We kiss, my heart racing a mile a minute. Then, as I go to undress him, I discover... a mini pickle. Like, a really tiny one, but it's fully erect. Let's just say, I was extremely disappointed. The biggest FML moment: I ran into my childhood best friend at a festival after 10 years, and we instantly hit it off. Once we were back in Paris, we decided to meet up. One night, at 4AM, we were both completely wasted at my place after our separate parties. We ended up sleeping together and eventually fell asleep. In the middle of the night, I woke up feeling him move and get out of bed while still asleep. He sat on the edge of the bed (naked), facing my hardwood floor, and started peeing in his sleep. Of course, I panicked and tried to wake him up, but it was impossible. He mumbled, lay back down, and fell back asleep. I had to clean my floor at 6AM as a result. The next day, I told him the story, but he had no recollection of it and just shrugged it off.I returned home feeling quite ashamed. Obviously, we never slept together again after that night. What's even more embarrassing is that my mother came into my room later in the morning to tell me, "Wow, it stinks of ammonia in here, did you bring a homeless person or something?"... #FML
The bloodiest
During sex, I rip my frenulum. Just as she was giving me a blowjob, I turned on the light... and the girl was Dracula.
The blackout
One night in London, when I was completely drunk, I ended up at a guy's place whom I had slept with. He was super rich and handsome (but of course, I only found out later). When it was time to leave (even though he hadn't kicked me out and had offered for me to stay), I convinced myself that I absolutely had to leave. But I was so wasted.that I couldn't enter my credit card pin code to take a taxi. So, he paid for my taco for 40 bucks to go meet my friend at 4 in the morning... I got really drunk, it took a while. Then, the next day, while my hangover was pulling every hair from my head, I realized that I had a total blackout, and I didn't even remember if we slept together, or if we used protection... you can't imagine how embarrassed I was to ask him the question. Lisa, 25 years old The trashiest one One night at the club, I spot a really sexy 45-year-old woman, accompanied by a guy ten years younger than her. During the evening, I hook up with another girl, until I feel a hand on my butt: it was the milf, whispering in my ear that I deserve better. Then she leaves. A bit surprised, I continue kissing the other girl, then I go dance. The milf comes back and starts dancing with me, but I stop her because she obviously came with her boyfriend. Then she explains that...They are libertines. Her boyfriend then comes to me and suggests that I go with them and watch while I sleep with his girlfriend. I reply, "Wow, that's crazy!" The club closed an hour later, and I left with the milf in front. We got in the car while the guy went to the locker room. Then in the rearview mirror, I see him coming back with two big guys, and I think to myself, "Damn, the poor milf..." When we get to the car, the two guys ask why the girl is there, so I quickly understand that these two are there for the guy in the couple. And me, I'm there for the milf. So we go to these two guys' place: everyone gets naked, I do my thing with the girl in one room while her guy is getting pounded by the other two in the living room. The most tearful: I am a lesbian and I was with a girl and we loved each other a lot, and at the same time a guy was hitting on me, and I kept telling him that I was only into girls. But he was persistent and eventually convinced me to give it a try.It amused me, but I wasn't interested. One night, the girl and I got into a fight and broke up on the street. I was super sad, so I went home with the guy. I really wanted to sleep with him to take my mind off things. While I was sucking him off, all I could think about was the girl. So I burst into tears on his dick and ended up telling him that there was one thing I wanted, and that was for her to be in his place and for him to go home. Charlotte, 24 years old. The most sexually transmitted One drunken night in Lyon, a friend showed up with his nympho ex-roommate. We went out on the peninsula and had an insane night, getting wasted. When it was time for the afterparty, our new friend suggested going to her place. At that moment, I was really wasted. Once we arrived at her place, I sat on the floor, half passed out, listening to the others talk. Towards the end, the girl said, "Well, for sleeping arrangements, I have two spots on the couch and I can take one person in my bed."My bed," she said, and before she even finished her sentence, I jumped up and shouted, "me!" I quickly made my way to her bed, surprising everyone with my quick response. Believe it or not, it was purely innocent on my part, I just wanted a comfortable place to sleep. But of course, as soon as she joined me, we... without protection. Like I said in the beginning, this girl is a nympho: for the two weeks that followed, I felt harassed, she talked to me about sex all the time. The final blow was when I found out she had given me chlamydia, and I had to endure a cotton swab in my urethra. And here's a gif to lighten the mood:
The best game of hide-and-seek
I had just arrived in Paris in 2015 and matched with a really attractive guy named Paul, a true Parisian. He knew all the hidden corners of the city. One night, we were strolling around and he took me to the Palace dCongress (closed at that time) where you sneak into the service stairs and reach the roof while dodging the cleaning staff, and we drank a beer up there, it was magnificent, then we sneaked backstage and tried on the costumes of the musical that was playing at that time, dodging the security guards who were patrolling. We finally went back down, and he took me to his apartment in Levallois, except he didn't tell me it was his grandmother's place, so we hooked up in a tiny single bed and I had to hide under the sheets because his grandmother came back at that moment and he couldn't invite any girls.
The most legendary one
I've always had a crush at university. A guy that I found really attractive and secretly fantasized about. One evening at the bar, during a student party, I gathered up my courage and went to talk to him. The connection was amazing, then we kissed and I felt like a crazy person inside of me... clearly the best one.Beautiful moment of my life. Even better when he suggests that I go spend the night at his place. "OMG, this is like a fairy tale happening to me!" We have an amazing night. In the morning, he tells me that he has to hurry and go to class but I can stay at his place comfortably, take a shower, make myself at home, and just close the door behind me when I leave. Then he kisses me tenderly. I feel like a queen at his place, and I have 10,000 butterflies in my stomach. While alone, I take the opportunity to go to the bathroom and unfortunately... the toilet doesn't flush. I panic, then I have the idea of taking a small plastic bag, I scoop up my poop and put it in there. I place the plastic bag on the entry table, finish getting ready, and then I leave. WITHOUT TAKING THE POOP! Needless to say, I never spoke to that guy again, and neither did he. The SHAME!g>
The worst trip
One night of total high at a nightclub, I bump into a friend and we start hooking up. After leaving the club, she suggests that we go to her place. I was rarely as high as I was that night, and our sexual encounter was quite weird: let's just say that I had trouble getting fully aroused at times. Waking up was particularly rough; between the hangover and coming down, I felt a bit stupid about the disappointing night we had just spent. When I opened my eyes, I realized that my friend wasn't there. So I went out of the room and called her name, and she answered, "Yes, we're here waiting for you!" "We?" I had no idea what was going on, I was too messed up. I walked out of the room to join them and I saw her whole family (including her stepfather and her 4-year-old brother) preparing breakfast, insisting that I join them. It was super awkward, of course I told them that I couldn't stay...
The Ghettoest
In Arcs, at the crazy madness, just before the lockdown. I stumble upon a guy whom I quite like one evening, not much happens but we keep in touch on Instagram. Dead drunk, I end up contacting him again and we meet at another bar. The night is a blur, but I remember that we hook up, he leaves his friends behind and we leave together to find some peace. The problem is that we couldn't go to his place because his friends were there in his chalet; as for mine, I was sharing it with my family. So we bang on a playground between the fir trees, on the tarmac. A somewhat ghetto fuck session during which I tear my pants, lose my ring and glasses... Then we go back to the bar for a drink before feeling the need to fuck again. Except I didn't want to do it in the snow anymore, so we look for an open building in the resort where we could be alone. We tried to access the private pool, but the alarm went off; we escape into a carpeted stairwell, scraping my knees against them.while he is bleeding. The real defeat.
