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Alain Chabat as prime minister, Dewey as the minister of justice... So here is our dream government

undefined undefined 16 mai 2022 undefined 18h55

undefined undefined 28 décembre 2023 undefined 17h49

The Editor

Burger Quiz d'Alain Chabat et Kader Aoun

Since April 24th, the French people have known the name of their (not so) new president of the Republic. Elizabeth Borne has just been appointed as the Prime Minister, but we had other personalities in mind for our dream government. Here is our non-exhaustive list:

As Prime Minister: Alain Chabat

He has the stature, the charisma, we could even see him as president! When observing the French political landscape, one can't help but believe that a bit of absurdity would relieve some of the political tension. That being said, when we remember that the two largest parties in France are at each other's throats, and considering how mind-boggling the statements from our politicians are, we realize that it's not so absurd after all.

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Ministry of Agriculture: Snoop Dogg

We all know that Snoop Dogg would have THE solution to sustain French agriculture, and at the same time, export it worldwide. Let's allow farmers to experience the prosperous period they need.

Ministry of Defense: JCVD

A strict discipline, wise words, an unwavering determination: here is a man who would know how to manage an army. "The greatest battle is against oneself. Victory is understanding what we want... and believing in it." So, are you convinced?

Ministry of Culture: Luchini

An overflowing culture and a boundless imagination.s limite, voilà qui ferait du bien à ce ministère si important pour la France. Nous avons besoin d'un homme sachant lire les grands textes de notre littérature, déclamer des discours puissants et galvanisants, qui puisse défendre certains métiers de la culture en cas de pandémie inopinée par exemple.


Ministry of Economy: Valérie Pécresse

We're having a great laugh of course. And why not Cahuzac too?

Ministry of National Education: Walter White

When we (re)watch Breaking Bad, we know how fantastic Walter White is as a chemistry teacher. He is incredibly passionate about the concept of knowledge transmission. He truly deserves to be listened to, poor guy.

Ministry of Higher Education: Dumbledore

France definitely needs a little bit of magic, a touch of golden powder will certainly be necessary to raise the level of national education. Will this magic be enough to overcome the post-COVID shortcomings of French schoolchildren?

Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Europe: Angèle

Just because she is Belgian and her compatriots love to remind everyone.

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Ministry of the Interior: Morgane Alvaro

To remix the police codes a bit, and bring a more feminine but also high potential vision. In six months, tensions with the police will be resolved, we are willing to bet on it.

Ministry of Justice: Dewey 

The truth comes out of the mouths of children, and this phrase was certainly invented by a child, because it is very true. Dewey embodies purity and innocence, and has done so for over twenty years. After all, we have never tried to entrust the reins to someone truly pure, have we? Poupi poupi poupi pou.

Ministry of the Sea: The Octopuses

Since the Netflix documentary, The Wisdom of the Octopus, we realize that not only do we do more harm than good to the oceans, but also that octopuses would manage the aquatic world much better than us, and are ultimately very aware of current issues. They will keep us informed about what is happening down there, and they will lock the fans of overfishing in big glass jars and let them dry in the sun. Voilà.

Ministry of Health and Solidarity: Cristina Yang

She is brilliant and couldn't care less about people's egos. If there is anyone who can save the public hospital, it is her. We are absolutely certain that she will ask for beds once, not twice.

Ministry of Ecological Transition: Greta Thunberg

It is just obvious that we need to start taking environmental issues seriously. Greta, she gets it. She is also apparently the only political figure on this planet who manages to be heard by world leaders in the international community.

Ministry of Labor: Michael Scott

Who better than the "world's best boss" to head the Ministry of Labor? His enthusiasm will be immense to completely reform, and his perfect cowardice to resist as much as possible in order to protect the rights of workers. Is there a debate about maternity leave? He disappears for 72 hours in his office.

Ministry of Youth and Sports: Jérôme Niel

A good dose of adrenaline and screaming. That's what young people need! For the French, they need Rémi Choré. There's nothing like a short but effective exercise every day to fight against overweight. He is also the only person who potentially can scold all the young people in France at the same time through live Instagram, if necessary.