They are everywhere. In our reels, our TikToks, our stories. With their tote bags full of books, their steaming matcha, and their cardigan casually draping over denim shorts. Since this summer, the performative male has become an essential figure on social media. Behind his progressive, deconstructed, and "safe" vibes, however, lies a more ambiguous phenomenon: between sincerity and staging, to what extent are these new male codes a way of loving… or just a way to please?
The Starter Pack of the Performative Male
Behind this studied look lies a real guide. The typical gear? A tote bag, loose jeans, colorful nail polish, a deliberately messy haircut, and often a feminist book or a cult novel under their arm. The icons of the genre? Jacob Elordi, Jeremy Allen White, or even Timothée Chalamet, unwittingly became the faces of this trend.
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But why this phenomenon?
The "performative male" is a bit like the wolf disguised as a sheep: a man who fits the norm and dons the progressive codes to attract women he thinks are "liberated." Not really an activist, he mostly performs a safe, cool, and feminist image to boost his charm.
A caricature that went global
The phenomenon has gained so much traction that it has sparked “performative male” contests in the United States, Canada, Australia, and even Indonesia. As often happens, the trend exploded on TikTok, where users poke fun at this now easily recognizable look.
A concept dating back to Judith Butler
Behind the buzz, there’s also a theoretical foundation. In 1988, American sociologist Judith Butler claimed that gender is performative: it is constructed and reinforced through the repetition of acts (talking, dressing, presenting oneself…). The “performative male” embodies this idea, but in a twisted way, as he uses these codes to attract.
Does the habit make the monk?
At its core, there's nothing wrong with reading Jane Austen or sipping matcha from a tote bag. The problem arises when all of this is just a facade. Because while playing the card of the “deconstructed guy” might help in seducing, it’s essential that the values are genuinely behind it.
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