1. You won't arrive late
There's nothing worse than starting Christmas off on the wrong foot by arriving out of breath in the middle of the meal. Firstly, it's embarrassing for your hosts as it implies you had better things to do (which may be true, but there's no need to show it). Secondly, it means you'll miss the most fun part of the Christmas meal, where everyone is starting to feel a bit tipsy but still very cordial: the aperitif. And trust me, that's a real shame because you might just need it.
2. Thou shall not speak of politics
It may seem obvious, but often the subject ends up on the table. And in this pre-election context, we prefer to warn you, it might be even more tense than usual. Between your conservative grandpa and your cousin affiliated with the socialists, it's simple, the chances of arguing are at a maximum. So, you have two options: either you have enough conversation topics in reserve to get through the whole meal without discussing politics, or you chug the rest of the champagne bottle to endure when hostilities start. Good luck.
3. Thou shalt be in awe of your little nieces and nephews
Yes, because even covered in mashed potatoes and with a full diaper, don't forget that your little nieces and nephews are first and foremost the children of your brother or sister and therefore, they are little perfect beings in the eyes of your entire family. So, you are kindly asked to hold back your criticism and watch Frozen for the 36th time with a smile.
4. Thou shalt not impose dietary restrictions
Since you have watched many (too many) videos on the subject, you have vowed that, as long as you live, not a single piece of meat will pass through your throat. Yes, you have convictions and that's great, but keep in mind that not all guests necessarily jump for joy at the idea of replacing the traditional turkey with tofu. If you really don't want to offend your grandma who spent four hours in the kitchen, consider proposing to cook a vegan alternative that anyone can taste. Say goodbye to foie gras. Bon appétit!
5. You shall congratulate your perfect cousin
He's kind of your cursed doppelganger: you, but better. Brilliant at school, athletic, handsome... He has always excelled where you failed, and you must admit, this year the temptation is strong to proudly proclaim that you finally have a permanent job while he is still stuck in a temporary contract (paid three times more than you, of course, but that's not the point). But remember, the spirit of Christmas is all about kindness, love, and joy. Therefore, you are kindly asked to keep your bitterness to yourself and not be mean to your nice cousin. However, you can still mention that you landed that permanent job.
6. Thou shalt endure thy in-laws
If you have made the mature and adult decision to spend Christmas with your +1, know that it is also mature and adult to bear the consequences until the end. Therefore, you are kindly asked not to run away when your mother-in-law joyfully asks if you can help her prepare dinner as you just emerge from your bed, nor when your grandfather tells you for the 4th time how the pre-Internet generation was incomparably more advanced than your generation of degenerates. And above all, do not complain to your single friends, at least you have someone to sleep with on Christmas night.
7. Thou shalt not debate the timing of gift opening
Every year it's the same debate: should we open the gifts on the 24th or the 25th? On one side there are the children, who think it's super cool to wake up in the morning with lots of gifts under the tree. On the other hand, the adults, for whom waking up with a hangover in the middle of the presents avalanche can be particularly difficult (especially if the moment is immortalized by your mother who still doesn't know how to turn off the flash on her camera). And then there's your grouchy aunt, who is opposed to all the joyful events in general, and makes it known to anyone who will listen that if it's.If it were up to her, she wouldn't celebrate Christmas. To avoid disaster, I strongly advise you to adopt the Swiss strategy: remain neutral in all circumstances.
8. You will learn to thank even the worst gifts
Well, first of all, consider yourself lucky you have gifts. However, it is likely that not all of them perfectly fit your tastes. If you want to maintain family harmony, you will need to learn how to say thank you with all the insincerity you are capable of. For example? "Oh, how original!" "Ah, this is exactly what I needed!" "Well, this is great, I never would have thought of it." As for the rest, we'll let you improvise.
9. Thou shalt not post family photos
Let's be clear once and for all: nobody cares if your little nephew had a Spiderman costume or if you all looked really cool together at the base of the Christmas tree. Also, remember what we said about gift opening: the morning of the 25th is not ideal for everyone. Just because for once you were the freshest and most available doesn't mean you should put your entire family on your Facebook wall. We know that the spirit of Christmas is about sharing, but, as with everything else, it's best enjoyed in moderation.
10. Thou shalt not fraternize with thy colleagues
Because arguments are not limited to family, know that according to a recent study, 36% of the French have had sexual relations during their company's Christmas party. Since humans love gossip, we won't spell out the consequences of such accidents: from those who will think it was a way to secure your promotion in January to those who will declare they always knew you had a thing for Jean-Jacques from accounting... However, if you're really motivated, the same study tells us that 50% of workplace sexual relations have turned into lasting relationships. Nothing ventured, nothing gained!Nothing at all!
